Title: the everyone-wants-hakyeon fic
Summary: Wherein Hakyeon's sexiness finally drives everyone up the wall.
Word Count: 401
Notes: Written for my turn on shiritori, and inspired by N's ridiculously hot solo stage.
So maybe Hakyeon should have known better, but he's not expecting the long line of—suitors, his brain supplies—people waiting patiently outside their house.
"Right this way, sir," Hongbin directs, waving a bespectacled man over to the line of tables Sanghyuk is manning. "Please fill in your name, identity card number, date of birth, and which of N-hyung's body parts you appreciate the most."
"What are you doing?" he yelps.
"We're screening them," Wonshik informs him calmly, eyes fixed on a clipboard in his arms. "You can't just settle for any Kim, Lee or Park. We only accept top quality applicants here."
"What criteria are you even using to screen them?" Hakyeon asks faintly. Someone in the line catches his eye. "Is that—Minhyuk?"
Wonshik doesn't even look up from scribbling something furiously on his clipboard. "He was very adamant about getting a priority place in the queue. We allowed him to ballot for a place in the first hundred in line based on the frequency and quality of your prior interactions."
"And Taekwoon and Jaehwan—"
"They're conducting the selection interviews," Wonshik explains. "We've just finished number eighty-three. No one's got hurt yet. Unless you're counting number fifty-one who ran out of the room crying." He eyes Hakyeon. "You certainly got up late."
"I didn't think you guys were actually serious about carrying this out—"
Wonshik frowns at him. "Someone had to do something about the puppy-eyed suitors following you around all the time. The best way to do it is to find you someone for you to get attached to. And let me tell you, it's not easyconsidering that stunt you pulled in Utopia."
"But our Starlights liked it," Hakyeon protests.
"So did a lot of other people," Wonshik mutters darkly. "Including your friends on Bachelor Party."
"The episode where Kangin pretended to kiss me was before the concert—"
"Oh, so we're talking about that now, are we? Should we talk about Nmi as well? I thought Jo Kwon was never going to stop camping outside our dorm. Thankfully we had Hongbin to lure him away."
From the sounds of it, Wonshik is just warming up for a full-on rant about the trials and tribulations of being in the same group as Hot Cha.
Hakyeon decides to quit while he's ahead. He mumbles an excuse and flees to look for Minhyuk.